“Love is passion, obsession, someone you can’t live without. If you don’t start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who’ll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. I’m not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you’ll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven’t lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven’t tried, you haven’t lived.”

-William Parrish, “Meet Joe Black”

I used to write about love quite often. In fact, in my single days, I once had an entire blog dedicated to its pursuit. Very Carrie Bradshaw, I know. Since being in a monogamous relationship over these last few years, I haven’t spent much time reflecting on that past, or exploring concepts like insanity or obsession, as they pertain to love. This last weekend, I revisited my all-time favorite film, “Meet Joe Black”, which inspired me to reflect not just on my life, but how my definition of “love” has changed over time.

Im a big believer in the reality that time will not allow us to ever forget our past, and that at some point, we can’t help but reflect on things we might have chosen/pretended to forget about. The things that happen in life (and the people who make said things happen) are ingrained in us forever. For better or worse. And the truth is, I miss writing about my thoughts on love. I’ve been through so much in my life, and a part of me was probably too ashamed to actually admit to my past mistakes in regard to love. But the older I get, the more I realize that those mistakes were actually blessings in disguise. Blessings that I wouldn’t trade for anything.

My wish for everyone who has or will ever live is that they have their heart broken at least a few times. Preferably not by the person they end up with. A broken heart teaches you more than anything else in life. A broken heart means that you actually tapped in to something real and honest about yourself. It means that you let go. It means that you took a risk. It means that you actually lived. The most important lessons I learned each time my heart was broken (and trust me, there were many), were of forgiveness. Forgiveness of the other person, but most importantly of myself.

Love is the most precious and important thing we can experience in this life. Be it that of a spouse, a friend, a lover…If you are lucky, all three.

Love is amazing. There is nothing like it. The problem is that they are so many other emotions associated with what we (sometimes wrongly) assume is love, that it complicates the process, leaving us dazed and confused.

I’ve always had this incredibly idealistic idea of love, that involves physical attraction, chemistry, pleasure, pain, passion, obsession, insanity…That was love to me. Early on, I think I forgot to include friendship in that idea, which ultimately led to a ridiculous amount of chaos in my pursuit of love.

I did eventually realize that “friendship” was an essential component to any real lasting relationship, but by that point, it just made me even more confused. I then tried to reconcile the torturous love I had tried so fruitlessly to pursue with reality.

Which left me wondering…

Somewhere along the way, we are convinced by people/society that we should “settle down” and build a life with another person. One. Other. Person. We learn that being “alone’ is a bad thing that is to be avoided at any and all costs. And so we place our past self, and what we have been led to believe are the illusions of our “ideal” mate, into a box that we seal ever-so-tightly. And then someone comes along who checks off enough of the boxes on our proverbial list, and we say, “Okay…Yes! You’ll do!” And we live happily. Ever. After.

Happily ever after is an illusion. There are hills and valleys in any relationship, and anyone who believes otherwise is delusional. I can say this because I was once delusional. And for this, I partially blame the movies.

Actually, I blame it all on the movies. It’s official: The media is responsible for everything.

In the end, I’ve come to the believe that the most important love you can have is for yourself. I believe the great Carrie Bradshaw said it best:

“Relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that’s just fabulous.”