I’ve been bad. Very, very bad. I haven’t updated in forever.

Busy? Yes.

Excuses? I don’t believe in them.

New update coming soon.

Promise.

“Love is passion, obsession, someone you can’t live without. If you don’t start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who’ll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. I’m not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you’ll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven’t lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven’t tried, you haven’t lived.”

-William Parrish, “Meet Joe Black”

I used to write about love quite often. In fact, in my single days, I once had an entire blog dedicated to its pursuit. Very Carrie Bradshaw, I know. Since being in a monogamous relationship over these last few years, I haven’t spent much time reflecting on that past, or exploring concepts like insanity or obsession, as they pertain to love. This last weekend, I revisited my all-time favorite film, “Meet Joe Black”, which inspired me to reflect not just on my life, but how my definition of “love” has changed over time.

Im a big believer in the reality that time will not allow us to ever forget our past, and that at some point, we can’t help but reflect on things we might have chosen/pretended to forget about. The things that happen in life (and the people who make said things happen) are ingrained in us forever. For better or worse. And the truth is, I miss writing about my thoughts on love. I’ve been through so much in my life, and a part of me was probably too ashamed to actually admit to my past mistakes in regard to love. But the older I get, the more I realize that those mistakes were actually blessings in disguise. Blessings that I wouldn’t trade for anything.

My wish for everyone who has or will ever live is that they have their heart broken at least a few times. Preferably not by the person they end up with. A broken heart teaches you more than anything else in life. A broken heart means that you actually tapped in to something real and honest about yourself. It means that you let go. It means that you took a risk. It means that you actually lived. The most important lessons I learned each time my heart was broken (and trust me, there were many), were of forgiveness. Forgiveness of the other person, but most importantly of myself.

Love is the most precious and important thing we can experience in this life. Be it that of a spouse, a friend, a lover…If you are lucky, all three.

Love is amazing. There is nothing like it. The problem is that they are so many other emotions associated with what we (sometimes wrongly) assume is love, that it complicates the process, leaving us dazed and confused.

I’ve always had this incredibly idealistic idea of love, that involves physical attraction, chemistry, pleasure, pain, passion, obsession, insanity…That was love to me. Early on, I think I forgot to include friendship in that idea, which ultimately led to a ridiculous amount of chaos in my pursuit of love.

I did eventually realize that “friendship” was an essential component to any real lasting relationship, but by that point, it just made me even more confused. I then tried to reconcile the torturous love I had tried so fruitlessly to pursue with reality.

Which left me wondering…

Somewhere along the way, we are convinced by people/society that we should “settle down” and build a life with another person. One. Other. Person. We learn that being “alone’ is a bad thing that is to be avoided at any and all costs. And so we place our past self, and what we have been led to believe are the illusions of our “ideal” mate, into a box that we seal ever-so-tightly. And then someone comes along who checks off enough of the boxes on our proverbial list, and we say, “Okay…Yes! You’ll do!” And we live happily. Ever. After.

Happily ever after is an illusion. There are hills and valleys in any relationship, and anyone who believes otherwise is delusional. I can say this because I was once delusional. And for this, I partially blame the movies.

Actually, I blame it all on the movies. It’s official: The media is responsible for everything.

In the end, I’ve come to the believe that the most important love you can have is for yourself. I believe the great Carrie Bradshaw said it best:

“Relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that’s just fabulous.”

So its currently just after 1am on Tuesday, and my amazing/crazy weekend is just now coming to a close. 

And no, the title of my post was in no way a reference to the terrible tragedy that was the season premiere of Saturday Night Live. Sorry, but not even Amy Poehler could save that sinking ship. A ship that has been sinking for quite sometime now. Just let it die already. For the love of God.

My best friends were in town for a few days, and we had a wonderful time. The heat was ridiculous over the last couple of days. In more ways than one. There were quite a few emotional issues that reared their ugly head this weekend, the most significant of which being a confrontation I had with a family member. 

I’ve written a few times about the crazy christian/conservative family members in my life. There have been several confrontations with each of them over the years, most of them of course pertaining to the bible, and its references to homosexuality in particular. 

I tend not to get involved in arguments unless I can contribute my perspective in an intelligent and passionate way. This weekend I chose to get involved in an argument (on Facebook of all places) with one of said family members who has a tendency to be all-too-vocal (not to mention self-righteous) about their perspective, and felt it was time to come to the defense of the underdog.

The argument became very ugly very quickly. As a result, I have made the difficult decision to sever all ties with said family member. Mainly because of the fact that I am at a place in my life where I recognize the importance of maintaining one’s sanity, and with that comes disassociating oneself with people who bring negative energy in to your life.

It’s so very sad to me, what religion does to our world. It really is an ugly thing. I will never understand why more people don’t just learn to think for themselves and draw their own conclusions about life, as opposed to referencing some archaic text written by men so many years ago. My personal faith tells me to look at the greater picture, and thus far, that faith has steered me in what I believe to be the right direction.

In other news, I saw two very interesting (and quite different) films over the weekend. “Buried” was a timely, horrific tale about a man (Ryan Reynolds) who is working as a contractor in Iraq, when he is kidnapped, buried alive, and left to his own devices in an effort to survive. It was disturbing, irritating, and probably an unfortunately accurate account of how a real-life event of it’s kind might actually play out in 2010.

“Catfish” was equally tragic, but in a different way. There is no way I could tell you what this film is about without giving something away. I will just say that it is also timely, horrific, and a heartfelt story of life in the internet age. It is certainly not to be missed.

Tension, heat, alcohol, film, and good times with amazing friends—Much contrast, yet a fun-filled several days, nonetheless. And I look forward to many more. Life is good. :)

inothernews:

Stop looking for the negative slant for the sake of conflict, for Christ’s sake.

Tomorrow, I say goodbye to my BMW. Which is weird, because it’s obviously just a car. But it also represented a particular goal I had in my life at the time I bought it. But times—and goals—change.

29 was a very difficult year for me. And by difficult, I mean it’s amazing I survived it. For some reason, coming to terms with the fact that I was turning 30 was incredibly difficult for me. I was nowhere near where I thought I was supposed to be in my life in terms of…well, anything. So I came up with two realistic goals: 1) To have all of my debt paid off, and 2) To own a BMW. Looking back, it was kind of ridiculous. But at the time, it made sense. And so, a month or two before my 30th birthday, I wrote a check, paying off the last of my credit cards, and had the keys to a brand-new BMW. Can you believe there were actually things still missing in my life? Weird!

Three years later, my debts are still paid off, and the lease to my dream car is ending. What else is different? Everything. Somewhere between then and now, I ended up getting (and losing) what I thought was my dream job, transitioning out of difficult relationships, and into new and exciting (not to mention less complicated) ones. I’m at a place in my life where peace and contententment are not just elusive fantasies, but commonplace in my day to day existence. 

I feel so much more grounded spiritually than ever before. Where I once felt uncertainty in the present (based on the past), I now have faith in both the present and the future (and disregard the past). Hopelessness has been replaced with hopefulness.

Much has changed in the last few years of my life. So much, that I wish I could go back and have a conversation with my 29.5 year old self, and tell him that life only gets better.

“You will have more love in your life than you know what to do with. You will have friendships—real friendships—that fulfill needs you never even knew you had. You will find peace and understanding…An intrinsic knowing that regardless of what happens or where life takes you, that everything really is going to be okay.”

I would also tell him that Melrose Place would be revived (and fail worse than his freshman year Bio exam), that he would one day take part in filming Deborah Gibson’s reality show with her, that he would have fabulous friendships with amazing people, the cutest dog to ever walk the earth, and share a beautiful home with the love of his life. 

**UPDATE**

So, change of plans…I actually broke down and bought a new X3. I know, I’m ridiculous. But it’s amazing, and I love it. :)

I must preface my thoughts by admitting that I am the biggest pop-culture enthusiast on earth. Anything that is hyped as much as “Inception” has been is most certainly worthy of my interest, and I was ridiculously excited to discover what the hype was about… 

I love Leo DiCaprio. He might even be the greatest actor of my generation. While I haven’t loved everything he’s been featured in, I can appreciate the choices he has made as an actor. “Inception” is no exception.

Often times, when an actor begins as a child in the industry, they work tirelessly to overcome the public perception of them as such, and their career never really blossoms into adulthood. Mr. DiCaprio is obviously an exception.

The same can not be said for the other two stars of “Inception”: Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and the girl from Juno. To be fair, her name is Ellen Page, and I’m sure that she is a fine (if not terribly boring) actress. And Gordon-Levitt is just too cutesy and peppy to be in a film as serious as “Inception”. Both actors are simply out of their league next to the brilliant DiCaprio, and are just not quite ready to be so prominently featured in a film of this caliber. For some reason, these two poorly cast actors were glaringly impossible for me to ignore, as I found myself constantly referencing them with their past personas and unable to suspend my disbelief that they could be a part of this make-believe world. Fine actors make you forget that you have seen them in anything prior to the moment that you are currently watching them in (see: Anthony Hopkins—and for that matter—DiCaprio). 

Of course, there have been many films where weaker actors were cast alongside seasoned veterans, and managed to pull it off. Those actors, however,were not in films as hyped and/or critically acclaimed as “Inception”, thus able to stay under the radar. Lets be honest: this film has been critically acclaimed to death. I don’t think I’ve read a single negative review. Christ himself would have a difficult time competing with Christopher-Can-Do-No-Wrong-Nolan this weekend. 

Casting/acting aside, however, “Inception” simply did not resonate with me the way I had hoped it would. Of course the film is visually stunning. The cinematography and visual effects are captivating. I was able to appreciate the metaphysical aspect of the film, but even that wasn’t executed the way I’d hoped it would be. While nothing about metaphysics claims to be simple to understand, I found the execution here to be rather messy and more confusing than necessary. Who isn’t fascinated by the concept of parallel lives, other dimensions/worlds/universes, etc.? If nothing else, this film will certainly deliver these concepts to a mainstream audience. The saving grace in all of this was the ending, which I will not discuss in-depth here. I will say that the ending was the most satisfying part of the film for me. Maybe because it was finally over, or perhaps because it was left open to interpretation—the best ending possible for a film of this kind.

Nolan certainly gets major props for writing such an intricate story. It’s clear that extensive thought went into his writing, and for that he is to be commended. 

I just didn’t LOVE this film. And I desperately wanted to. Which has left me to wonder: Will everyone love this movie because they were told it was amazing? Or is it really the masterpiece that the critics claim it to be? I guess cinematic history will decide. 

Having said that, one of my favorite films of all time is David Lynch’s “Mullholland Drive”. The first time I saw it, I didn’t get (or love) it. But something about the concept resonated with me enough to take a second look. Upon revisiting the film, I discovered a plethora of hidden layers that captivated me. And since I was obviously compelled enough by “Inception” to write about it, perhaps it’s worthy of revisiting as well. 

The following is another post, courtesy of the great John Mayer. I might just be re-blogging everything he writes. He is amazing…

I wish that when I was younger I could have met my current self. We would have sat down at a coffee shop so that I could explain life to young me in terms that only we would understand. It would have saved me a lot of hardship.

You can listen to all the sage wisdom you want, but things only make sense when you can explain them to yourself in your own words. For instance, I’ve been told for three years that Breaking Bad is the best show on television, but only after I watched it was I able to tell myself exactly why everyone was right. Other truths I know now that I can explain them: that I’m not missing any crucial information and that poker really isn’t all that fun; that heartbreaks do fade but they take about a year longer than you expect and by the time they do you really don’t care about it enough to notice; and above all else, life is simpler than you think.

I used to think that life was an intricate series of levers and pulleys, buttons and switches, Mexican standoffs and hostage negotiations. As I get older I realize that life is more Netherlands minimalist than Jackson Pollock. The problems don’t get fewer, and in fact they grow in number, but the way I index them in the database is different. More problems get filed under fewer category headers.

Things are getting simpler, and it’s making life better. Here’s the cheat sheet:

People want to be liked. We all crave attention and affection and we all reject shame. When we get embarrassed we send a thug version of ourselves to the forefront to do our fighting for us. We’re at the top of the food chain just under fear.  We don’t want to be in a relationship to hear the words “I love you,” we want to be in a relationship to say the words “I love you.” We want to feel needed, and exceptional and we hate feeling insignificant. We want to ace a hearing test. We are binary creatures; if we’re the plaintiff, we want to win every dollar. If we’re the defendant, we want guard every penny. We want to make more money than last year. We don’t want to get cancer or die in our cars and we want the same for our loved ones. We go out on weekends to try and have sex while trying not to get punched in the face. We drink so we can be ourselves and not mind it so much. We’re desperate to be understood. We want to know someone else has felt it, too. We hate being judged unfairly. We want to make the person we heard wasn’t all that into us change their minds and admit they had us wrong. We want sunny skies with a chance of killer tornadoes, just to keep music sounding good. We take hours upon hours to admit to self consciousness. We don’t know exactly how to pleasure each other. We just want love. In any and every form.

See? It’s simple. :)

This is BULLSHIT. I’ve had my iPhone 4 since day one and have not had one single issue with reception/dropped calls. I’m also able to replicate the “signal strength” issue AND I’m left handed. I think people just want to see Apple fail. Try all you want: They won’t. 

The post below (One Forty Plus…) is a reblog of a post from John Mayer’s blog. For some reason, I can identify with him and his perspective more so than any other “artist” from my generation. I use the word “artist” loosely, as I’m not quite sure how to apply that word to anyone in the entertainment industry in 2010. There are so few entertainers from my generation who have actually made a positive contribution to both the entertainment industry and the pop-culture landscape.

If you look beyond the image (that both he and the likes of US Weekly have created), there is actually an adequate amount of substance there. He is a ridiculously talented musician (something else that barely exists anymore), a brilliant lyricist (“By the time I recognize this moment, this moment will be gone”—I’m very serious when I say that might just be one of the most profound lyrics ever written in a pop song), and also an intelligent and compassionate human being who, much like the rest of us, is just trying to find his way in this crazy world. He may just be the definitive representative of my “lost-but-ever-so-determined-to-find-my-way” generation. I’d even go so far as to classify him as a personal hero of mine. Yeah, I said it.

In case it isn’t clear, I very much admire him and everything that he represents—flaws and all. So check out his blog, listen to his music, and absolutely do NOT pass up a chance to see him live. I promise, he is one of the most amazing performers I have ever seen live (this, coming from a homosexual who has seen Madonna three times—clearly I’m not fucking around).

I just returned from the gym, where several sweaty men were passionately rooting for their favorite soccer team on the television screen. 

This led me to wonder…Where does this passion for *watching* sports (and getting so heated) really, truly stem from?

I have to believe its due to the fact that most people give up on their dreams in life. They then decide to live out their fantasies vicariously. This usually happens through their children. But if they don’t have children, they resort to alternate means, such as getting angry at the actual players. Because this makes complete and total sense. Since you gave up on your dreams, and made the decision to sit home and watch the soccer game from the confines of your living room, you absolutely have the right to be angry at the guy who is actually PLAYING the game. And if they fuck up in any way (causing your *favorite* team to lose), you then have the right to go out and shoot someone who supports the rival/winning team.

Listen, I love Sarah Jessica Parker. But I didn’t go out and kill anyone who saw Shrek 3 the weekend Sex and the City 2 opened behind it at the box office. 

Usually, I prefer to see the best in people. And then I watch grown adults go ballistic over sporting events. Get a grip and let people do their job/make mistakes. You obviously did. 

And while you’re at it—stop pressuring your children to live out YOUR dreams.